Tuesday, 17 May 2011

• Tim and Life Awesome Run Great Job

  
  Running the Grand Canyon, October 2010
  
  Dreaming is strange. You think it's reality, but it's not. Last night I had a bad dream about being stressed and lost in an airport and couldn't make things better. It was stressful, but ended abruptly when I quickly woke up and realized those problems I was having were not real. It occurred to me that death might be like that -- suddenly exiting from the trivial things we sometimes think are so important.
  
  Tim Ray, my good friend and running partner, passed away this week of a heart attack, aged 31. He died 36 hours after finishing a 50-mile ultramarathon, one of several ultras he had completed in the last year. The heart failure was presumably due to a pre-existing condition; two friends who are doctors and athletes suggest it was likely hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. This affects about 1 in 500 people and actually makes you a better athlete but more vulnerable to heart failure. Simply, he had an enlarged heart.
  
  His girlfriend Bethany felt fortunate that he died at home, by her side, instead of on the trail, and he died because he was doing something he loved, running. She seemed at peace to know that it would have happened at some point and was not caught up on the exact events leading up to his death.
  
  I was also signed up for that race, the PCT 50, but pulled out at the last minute with some tendonitis and exhaustion. But I did wish I could have run it with him, I was excited as we talked about the race beforehand, and again after he finished, incorporating lessons learned into our planning for future runs.
  
  I met Tim through the Triathlon Club of San Diego. He was wearing a UCSD jersey after a club race, and I approached him. He told me about the UCSD triathlon team and convinced me to join. Bethany likewise was very welcoming, one of the first people to talk to me at practice, after I joined as a bit of an outsider halfway through the season.
  
  The very day before his passing a few friends were having a discussion about the best athletes that we knew. I picked Tim. There is no question that Tim was a better athlete than me; his third place at the Solana Beach Tri (the two ahead and many behind him were professional racers while he was an amateur) last summer was just the most recent of his triathlon accomplishments. But even though he was better, and seemed to be able to push himself harder than me, he was still more relaxed about it and had more fun. Never letting on how bad he felt until I first did the same. How many times it is hard to count when I said "Can we ease up the pace a bit, I am starting to hurt" and he would respond "sure, I am glad you said that, I am working hard too." But he would never be the first to ask to let up.
  
  The man was insanely busy but never seemed overwhelmed; he was always in an encouraging mood and ready to discuss some interesting idea. He had incredibly strong standards, but didn't seem holier than thou, and certainly led by example, not by making others feel like they needed to do better.
  
  Tim was always humble, understating his goals and accomplishments and even his daily activities. Many times I'd be nearing the end of a run with him and instead of running home he'd run the other way at the end, only acknowledging after I'd asked that he was on the way to a swim or some other workout.
  
  When I told him I'd signed up for the La Jolla Rough Water Swim this fall he responded "Ben,  focus... running... just kidding. "
  But he was able to focus well himself, to juggle the many sports and research in ways that exhausted me enough to have to spend half the day sleeping. Always untagging photos of long runs on Facebook or downplaying accomplishments in conversation, he did athletics not for the praise of others but because he truly loved it and loved pushing himself.
  
  While athletics were the framework I knew him in, what I valued most in Tim was his great attitude in discussions. A critical thinker, but not a critic. Never negative, yet always striving to improve himself and the world. He was also very receptive. When he told me he was going to climb Mt. Whitney, I recommended John Muir's Mountaineers route to avoid the crowds on the trail; he seemed eager to do things like that, they made him more appreciative of the environment. I started an environmental discussion group based largely on what he was able to bring to the table.
  
  
  In the canyons below Torrey Pines (L); Environmental discussion group (R)
  
  On reading this Atlantic article I sent him about how college students were too willing to jump through hoops to please their professors- looking to say the "right answer" rather than stand up for their own opinions, he wrote  "Thanks - the article made me think a bit more positively about the "character building" forced upon me at Navy.  Ha!  It's interesting that the article is really written about us (more so than current students?), although the trend may have just continued with the current lot."
  
  But the setting for most of our interactions was running. Hour after hour, running or driving to a run. It was there that we were able to forge bonds and exchange ideas.  Tim and I first became good friends when I expressed an interest that seemed to resonate with him: to move out of triathlon and towards distance running. He seemed obsessed with the idea of running the Boston Marathon--though he more or less kept this a secret, it was obvious how he talked about it. Boston was a goal I did not share, but he was also equally stoked about joining my plan to train for and run the Grand Canyon across and back, 45 or so miles and 11,000' elevation gain. I think the challenge combined with nature are what sparked his interest, and I was impressed with his enthusiasm when he asked to join me in that lofty goal.
  
  On June 6 he wrote to me and the team I was putting together to run the Canyon: "A week ago I visited the Grand Canyon for the first time... WOAH!   The hike down to the Colorado and back on the Tanner Trail (from Lipan Point) gives me a lot of motivation for our R2R2R run in Nov. "
  
  Tim is extremely organized and disciplined. It was my idea to run across the Grand Canyon and back, but he was the one who did the research, made our planning doc on Google and lists of required things to bring, and set up the training plans.
  
  
  The Grand Canyon run: at a vista (L) and halfway done- on the north rim (R)
  
  The running of the Canyon was amazing. Tim was always very joyful, excited, but especially about the Grand Canyon, for a month after he had a huge smile on his face when we talked about it.  To understand, you'll really have to run it yourself. There's a reason it's #1 on the list of must-do trail runs in America. And approaching it with Tim's boyish enthusiasm and energy certainly will help you get the most from it.
  My trip report is here:
  
  He wrote on Oct 28, after the run: "I loved the report... it's almost embarassing when people ask me about the run because i can't help but get excited about the canyon.   you captured our prep, the realities of the run, and the excitement well.  "
  
  Aside from his personality, it was his sincerity that captured me. He felt strongly about activism, about letter writing campaigns and mourned that there seemed so few people willing to participate. After weeks of me plugging a certain cause in numerous annoying emails and repeatedly on Facebook, ultimately only a couple of my friends were willing to take the couple minutes to add themselves to the online petition (I checked the final list). One friend, of course, was Tim. For a cause he knew nothing about- saving KTRU- except for that I supported it passionately. That was all that was necessary.
  
  Tim's main cause was of course the environment. I already shared some of his values- like not eating meat for environmental sustainability reasons. But he infused in me other ideas, for instance that bananas are bad- shipped from too far a distance to justify buying. And plastic was one of the biggest nemeses, especially because it's so bad for the ocean, which he loved. One time Tim came over to meet me for a run and he had forgotten his water bottle. So I handed him a plastic gatorade water bottle, and he just looked at me and said "Ben. you know I don't do that." I told him "Tim, it's a reused bottle, and that's homemade gatorade." Which it was, and he took the bottle on our run. Luckily it wasn't the other two thirds of the time when I don't have those reused bottles and actually do have store-bought gatorade! But that time, at least, I looked good in Tim's eyes.
  
  Tim encouraged me to go up to Seattle for my first 100 mile run despite the environmental impact of the flight. I tried to make the environmental impacts of flying a strong consideration for my decisions, but maybe because he knew I wanted run that particular race so badly he said I should go ahead and do it anyway. I am still trying to really reflect this value that we needn't pollute the environment so much in order to do the things we love. Tim really advocated that daily, and especially by putting on green races for UCSD that generated only a couple pounds of trash for hundreds of participants. Race shirts and other goodies were just environmental damage and self-promotion.
  
  We talked about the slogan we both liked "no one cares you're a triathlete." Not because he didn't like triathlon--of course he did-- but because he disliked the commercialism on one side and ego on the other often prevalent in it. It was the testing of physical and mental limits that he loved in triathlon. That, coupled with that very pure, simple attitude, expressed in "Born to Run" led him to ultrarunning, where there is no glory, no sponsors, but lots of dedication. Dedication and loyalty were some of his greatest traits, among many. So while running was his worst of his triathlon sports (he was still as good as me at it- my best sport), the psychology of running long in the backcountry fit him well.
  
  The last time Tim and I went for a run, a night run in Torrey Pines as usual, he wanted to run farther than me so he started early. We had planned to meet up at a certain time that night, and I was ready a little earlier than that. Bethany had recently convinced him to run with a cellphone, so I was able to give him a call to ask him if he could meet with me sooner. He answered and said "Um, I'd really like to, but I'm a bit far away. I'm actually down at Blacks Beach. I thought I could run the whole beach but now it's high tide and I'm actually standing on a rock completely surrounded by water. So uh, maybe in half an hour?"
  
  After the extreme endorphines and jubilation from the Grand Canyon, we wanted more running. Our biggest running goal in the past year has centered on running the Leadville 100 ultramarathon in under 24 hours. A few days before Leadville registration opened, I had sent Tim a training plan that would get someone ready for Leadville in a year. I was committed but I didn't yet know about Tim. He wrote:
  
  "Ben,  you are HOOKED.  i love it!!  thanks for giving me something to think about..."
  
  A couple days later, November 4, the day Leadville registration opened, I registered, but I thought Tim might wait until making up his mind. I was wrong, as I received this email just hours after registration opened:
  
  "Ben,
  My number one athletic goal for the summer is to swim the San Diego county coastline in 4 days.  This requires some logistics and stuff, I don't think it's been done yet (but I could be mistaken).  it's approx 100 miles.
  But because I'll be racing Boston and I'll already have some running endurance and if all it means is some more long runs in the woods in the early summer I suppose I could be ready for Leadville without having to too many other ultras.  I'm assuming that the vibe there is awesome.  I'm registered.  But I'm not ready to tell Bethany...  " (boldface is his own)
  
  Of course he told her soon, and she was supportive as always, planning his acclimation and training runs as trips together. She was there for his last ultra race, surprising him at the halfway point. He was happy, as he always was- not letting on how hard he was working. But is it working hard if you're having that much fun?
  
  Goodbye Tim, I will keep training so I can keep up with you in Heaven.
  
   
  Montezuma Castle National Monument (L), After Avalon 50-Mile ultramarathon on Catalina Island (R)
  
  More photos of Tim on our adventures are here:
  Trip report from our Catalina Island ultramarathon here:
  
  "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift." - Steve Prefontaine
  
  The sun has already set. But anyone who lives in La Jolla knows that the afterglow is often better than the sunset.
  
  Sunset over the Grand Canyon after our run
  

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